


Kay & Teddie's Ice-Creamy Adventure

by Monokarhu



Category: Persona 4, Persona Series, 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Crossover, Crossover Pairings, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22060549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monokarhu/pseuds/Monokarhu
Summary: What starts out as a romantic trip to Junes for some ice cream on a hot summer day turns into an utterly absurd mystery when the couple finds out that all ice cream in Inaba has seemingly disappeared. Can our intrepid heroes use their mystery-solving skills to crack the case, or will evil prevail and force them to subsist on nothing but cold water to survive the heat?
Relationships: Ichijou Mikumo | Kay Faraday/Kuma | Teddie (Persona Series)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. We All Scream For Ice Cream

It all started on one of those unbearably hot summer days. Kay had come over to visit Teddie because he was home alone, but thanks to the immense heat, all they could do was slowly melt away while laying on the living room sofa and floor. 

"It sure is hot in here," Kay said in a very flat, tired voice while wiping her forehead. "Indeed," Teddie responded from the floor weakly.

"You know what I could go for right now?", she asked him. "A kiss?", he guessed in a very hopeful tone. She thought about it for a moment.

"That too, I suppose, but I was mainly thinking of ice cream." Upon hearing those last two words, Teddie sprung from the floor with such agility and speed that Kay nearly fell off the sofa from being startled.

"You're a genius, Kay-chan!", he yelled, and then glomped the now-sitting Kay.

"Are you telling me you couldn't have come up with the brilliant concept of 'eating ice cream' by yourself?", Kay asked while she was slowly being smushed by his surprisingly tight embrace.

"I can't think when it's this hot. You know that!" "I suppose I do," she said flatly while remembering the incident last week where he briefly thought she was an angel, sent from the heavens to smite him for occasionally slacking off at work.

"Anyway, less talk, more ice cream!", Teddie yelled and then ran towards the kitchen.

He rushed to the fridge, opened the freezer section, knelt down, pulled out the ice cream compartment, looked inside, then at Kay, then inside the compartment again, and then at Kay again.

"It's gone. It's... _It's all gone_!", he said in a voice that made it sound like he wasn't very far from bursting into tears.

"Wasn't it almost full just yesterday?", Kay asked. "Exactly!", Teddie responded and continued. "Someone must've bear-glarized our freezer! Call the cops! The army! Superior Man! Anyone!"

Kay thought about potential culprits for a moment, and decided to hone in on the most likely one with a very pointed question. "Are you _sure_ you didn't do it?"

Upon hearing this, Teddie gasped, crossed his arms, tried his hardest to look really hurt emotionally, and turned his back on Kay. "Hmph! And here I thought you loved me for my sincerity! Am I really nothing more than good looks and free ice cream to you!?"

Kay walked right behind him, hugged him tightly, placed her head on his shoulder and started talking right into his ear.

"As much as I love you, I have to say that you're definitely the only person in this household who'd be capable of ingesting _that_ much ice cream. If it wasn't you who made the ice cream vanish, then who do you think it was and why'd they do it, huh?"

Teddie tried very hard to think of a reasonable explanation. "Well... Uhh... Maybe Yosuke spent the entire night eating ice cream? He's a bit lonely, you know." Kay leaned over his shoulder and looked him directly in the eyes.

"Do you _really_ think that?", she asked him. Teddie was fidgeting real bad at this point. "N-No, but... But... I swear I didn't eat the ice cream! You gotta believe me! I'm innocent! _Innoceeeeeeent_!"

Kay kissed Teddie on the cheek. "I believe you." She let go of him and walked to the window. "And even if I didn't, we'd still be ice-creamless, so playing the blame game right now is pretty counter-productive. We can figure out where it all went after we've actually eaten some."

She then started looking out the window glumly. "However, if we've got no ice cream here, that means we have to go... _outside_."

Both of them had forgotten about the severe temperature in the midst of their 'argument', but the word "outside" brought it right back to the forefronts of their minds, and it felt like the air in the room immediately got several degrees warmer.

Teddie let out a very loud sigh. "I guess it can't be helped. Come on, let's go," he said, grabbing his belongings and preparing for the rough outside world. Kay sighed too, and followed suit.


	2. A Long Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teddie adopts Kay's scarf and they kiss.

"It sure is hot out here too," Kay said, wiping her forehead. Teddie walked out of the house, closed the door, and took a good look at her.

"Well, did you _have to_ dress like that? I don't think it's going to get cold enough for you to need a vest _and_ a scarf."

Kay sighed and shook her head. "Oh, Teddie, you just don't get it. I'm building a brand! I need people to be able to recognize me!"

He took another good look at her, from her jingling key-shaped hair pin to her black tabi boots, and thought that the rest of her was entirely recognizable already, but decided not to press the matter further. "I guess that... makes... sense. Yeah."

As they walked down the road, Teddie pulled out a KittyKat bar from his pocket and bit one fourth of it off. "So, do you always carry snacks of some kind with you?", Kay asked while looking longingly at the green tea-flavored bar.

"Basically," he answered while chomping out another fourth. "Not when I'm naked and my hands are full, I guess."

"Heh. Maybe you should stuff your mouth like a squirrel beforehand," Kay joked. "That's a wonderful idea!", Teddie expressed very seriously.

Kay stopped him, put her hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes very sternly. " _Please_ don't try it. I don't want to be held responsible when you inevitably choke on a bag of chips," she implored.

" _Fiiiine_ , but only if you'll be there to carry my snacks for me," he replied while fiddling with the remaining two KittyKat pieces. She thought about what he had just said for a couple of seconds, and upon realizing the potential implication, her face reddened instantly.

"You want me to... feed you while you're n-naked?", she asked him while turning her blushing face away from him.

"Yeah! I mean, I don't carry stuff around while I'm naked all that often, but if it ever happens, I expect you to be there!", he answered. He then put his left hand on her right cheek and turned her very red face back towards his.

"However, right now it shall be _me_ who feeds _you_!", he said proudly and pushed one of the remaining two KittyKat pieces into her mouth, causing her face to somehow become even redder.

As they continued walking down the road, Kay took slow, careful nibbles from her piece, while Teddie practically inhaled his.

"You know, I wonder if I'm the only person on Earth who's dating someone who isn't human," she suddenly asked him.

"Yosuke once told me that some people date pillows. Does that count?", he asked in return. "...No," she answered while once again wondering how much of Teddie's 'simplicity' could be blamed on Yosuke telling him dumb things.

"Well, then, I dunno. I _have_ met some robots, but I don't think anyone was dating them when I saw them last."

Kay looked at him like she'd seen a ghost. "I probably shouldn't be very surprised since you're a Shadow and all, but... robots? Like, actual, sentient, AI robots?", she asked him incredulously.

"Yeah! Their names are Aigis and Labrys. They're probably smarter than I am," he replied. She decided to forgo the obvious joke.

"Your life sure is something," she told him and continued. "You're solving crimes with idols and famous detectives, you're dancing at big events, _and_ you get to meet robots too? I'm starting to feel a little bit jelly."

Teddie wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. "Hey, at least you're probably the only person in this world who's dating a Shadow. That's a thing worth celebrating in my opinion!" She wrapped her arm around him too. "You're just saying that because _you're_ the Shadow."

As the oppressive heat continued to slowly melt the two, they decided to take a little break on a roadside bench. Kay was already starting to regret her choice of attire for the trip, but she just couldn't admit it to Teddie.

Suddenly, he put his hand on her shoulder in a very understanding manner. "I know what you're thinking. Too many clothes, am I right?" "...Yeah." "Lemme help you with that."

Before she could decipher whether or not he was making a dirty joke, he deftly unfurled her scarf from her neck and put it on himself. "Not bad," he said as he straightened it out. "I could get used to this."

Kay took a good look at him. "I don't entirely disagree, _buuut_...", she said and plucked off the Yatagarasu badge from the scarf. "This doesn't quite suit you," she continued and attached it to her vest.

"Are you telling me I don't get to be part of your gang?", Teddie asked, sounding just a little bit sad. Kay thought about it for a moment. "If you ever get fired from Junes, you could be our mascot."

His face immediately lit up. "I'm beary good at that!" She patted his head. "You sure are. Also, it's not a 'gang', it's an organization."

After a moment of thinking about what Teddie should look like if he ever became the Yatagarasu mascot, Kay pulled out a bottle of Orange Smash from her satchel and took a big gulp. "Ugh. Heat definitely doesn't do any favors to the flavor," she said as she extended the bottle towards Teddie.

"Hey, that almost rhymed!", he replied before taking a big gulp too. "Urgh. It's... quite the experience." He then gave the bottle back to Kay, who started admiring it.

"Sure brings back memories, doesn't it?", Kay remarked, remembering the first time they met (which is a story for another time).

"Yeah. It's definitely not as good when you're not dying of thirst," he answered. Kay then put the bottle back into her satchel and turned towards Teddie.

"Wanna kiss?", she asked him. "Do you even need to ask?", he replied, after which she grabbed him into an embrace, looked deep into his eyes, and kissed him right on the lips.

After a tender ten-second smooch which felt like several very nice minutes to them both, she let go of him, and they both started breathing heavily.

"Wow, that was... that was amazing!", he remarked. "It sure was," she replied. 

It obviously wasn't the first time they had kissed, but it was the first time they had done it with such passion.

"So what... gave you the idea... to do that?", Teddie asked while still catching his breath. Kay looked at her satchel.

"Well... I, uh, wondered if what we did with the bottle counted as an 'indirect kiss', so I decided to just make it a direct one instead. You know, to dispel any doubts." Teddie gave her a thumbs up. "Now that's my kinda decision-making!"

After their brief make-out session, they continued towards Junes, sweatier than before, though this time they didn't seem to mind it so much.


	3. Ice Cream Theft is Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ice cream gets stolen. Yosuke shows up. Persona 4: Dancing All Night is referenced. What more could you possibly want?

Finally, they were there. At the promised land. The oasis in the middle of the infernal desert. The overflowing chalice of the merciful goddess of tasty frozen dairy treats.

Junes.

They rushed into the store, then into the food section, and finally into the ice cream aisle... only to discover that it was completely bereft of anything that could even remotely be described as 'ice cream'. As Kay desperately looked into each freezer section to no avail, Teddie dropped onto his knees, clutched his head, and screamed towards the heavens.

"Be quiet, you moron," a familiar voice suddenly told him. He looked up to see Yosuke standing there, clearly annoyed. Teddie jumped up from the floor and grabbed Yosuke's collar with such velocity that they both almost fell over. "Where has all the ice cream gone!?", Teddie screamed into Yosuke's face while shaking him and producing enough spittle to rival a small rain cloud.

Yosuke wrenched Teddie's hands off his collar, pushed him back a bit, and wiped his own face clean of the spit with his sleeve. "I don't know! When I came to work, it was already all gone," he told Teddie in an increasingly exasperated tone.

Kay stopped looking into the freezers and walked to where Teddie and Yosuke were. "What do you mean 'gone'? It wasn't all just sold out?", she asked.

"Bingo. It all disappeared at some point during the night, including the stuff in the back. The thief was smart enough to break the cameras and leave no prints, so we have absolutely no clue who did it or why," Yosuke answered.

"So what else did they steal?", Teddie asked next. "Well, you see, that's the weirdest part... they didn't steal anything else," Yosuke told him. Kay and Teddie looked at each other, and then at Yosuke in utter confusion.

"Now that's just silly," Kay said. "Hey, I don't disagree, but that's how it is. We looked everywhere and checked everything, but the only thing that's missing is the ice cream," Yosuke replied.

"I've got it!", Teddie yelled suddenly. Kay and Yosuke turned to look at him with very doubtful looks on their faces. "There must be something worth stealing IN the ice cream! The thieves knew that there's something valuable in one of the ice creams, but they didn't know which one, so they just took all of them!", he postulated.

Yosuke rubbed his forehead to try and calm the headache that was slowly budding inside him. "That theory's already pretty goddamn wack, but you didn't even come up with it yourself and just remembered it happening in some movie or comic, right?", he asked Teddie.

"Well... yeah, but it's a good theory! Help me out here, Kay-chan!", Teddie pleaded. She scratched her head and looked at the floor for a moment.

"I mean, it's... not completely out of the realm of possibility, I guess, and I can't imagine anyone going through this much trouble just to steal ice cream for the sake of having ice cream, but why would anything valuable end up inside an ice cream package in the first place?"

Teddie also looked at the floor for a moment, and then at Kay. "I dunno," he answered while shrugging his shoulders. Kay then stared at him blankly.

After a moment of silence, Yosuke, who had looked like he wanted to say something for the entire time he had been there, decided to finally say it. "So why are you wearing her scarf, Teddie? Is that a thing couples do now or what?", he asked while quizzically staring at Teddie's new neck accessory.

"No, it's because she put on too many clothes, and since I'm her knight in shining bearmor, I decided to relieve her of some of that bear-den!", Teddie answered while beaming proudly.

"That's nice of you. Honestly, it almost suits you," Yosuke told him, causing him to seriously start considering a future scarf purchase.

"Anyway, I've got another question too. Why are you here in the first place? Didn't you buy, like, a bag of ice cream just yesterday?", Yosuke asked. Suddenly, as Kay remembered the mystery of Teddie's disappearing ice cream, it all came together like a two-piece jigsaw puzzle.

"Well, you see, it suddenly disap-beared, and-", Teddie explained until he was interrupted by Kay. "...And I think it was taken by the same person who stole the ice cream here!", she said in a very convinced tone.

Yosuke rubbed his chin while staring at Teddie. "I'd definitely just blame Teddie if the ice cream at home was the only thing that went missing, but I do have to agree that it's pretty unlikely for all the ice cream to just coincidentally vanish from two places in the same night," he said and continued. "But who would be crazy enough to break into a home just to steal ice cream?"

"You guys are familiar with all kinds of supernatural beings, right? Couldn't it have been one of those?", Kay asked the two.

"That sounds a bit far-fetched, but then again, we _did_ just recently defeat some kinda god thing by dancing real hard, so at this point, I'm not going to rule anything out. Anyway, I have a job to do, so I'll see you guys later," Yosuke stated and then ran off.

Kay looked at Teddie in awe. "You _have to_ tell me that story some time," she said with a twinkle in her eye.


	4. Rich People Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay and Teddie encounter the likely source of their problems.

After cooling down in the ice cream aisle for a while, the duo decided to hunt for their ice cream elsewhere. They bought two sodas and walked out of the store into the maddeningly hot outside world once more.

"So, where should we head next?", Kay asked Teddie while caressing her wonderfully cold Orange Smash bottle.

"I'd suggest 'right back home'," an unfamiliar voice answered in an unfriendly tone. Kay and Teddie looked ahead, and noticed a young man standing there. He was tall, thin, and mildly sickly-looking, and his outfit consisted of a gaudy red suit, an equally gaudy red top hat on top of his long black hair, and, bafflingly, a portable cooler.

"And who might you be?", Kay asked the man.

"Why don't you ask your _boyfriend_? He should know," the man replied, pointing at Teddie in an exceedingly dramatic manner. Teddie squinted his eyes and stared intensely at the man for a moment.

"I have no idea," he then responded while shrugging his shoulders. The man took off his top hat and started gnawing the brim in anger.

"How _dare_ you forget who I am after you wronged me!?", he yelled in between his brim-biting. Teddie scratched his head for a bit, and then looked like he got an idea.

"Wait, are you the guy who tried to get the last Triple Choco Dipper bar that I got first at Junes, and when I didn't want to give it to you, you swore undying revenge on me and my entire bloodline?", Teddie asked him. The man stopped gnawing his hat and put it back on.

"Precisely! I'm glad you finally remembered what you did to upset the great and mighty Jim Stone! And yes, that whole revenge dealio is still on, as you can see," he rambled very emotively while saliva was slowly dripping from the brim of his hat onto his shoes.

"As you can see? What does that mean?", Teddie wondered. Kay thought about what Jim had just said for a moment, and then figured it out.

"It was YOU who stole all the ice cream, wasn't it!?", she furiously asked him while pointing at him very lawyerly. He cupped his hand against his ear and pointed it towards Kay.

"Oh, what's that? Did I just hear my good name being slandered IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!? I should sue you for that!", he yelled. His face then contorted into a very unnatural smile. "Ah ha ha, just kidding! I wouldn't do that. I might be rich beyond belief, but I'm a nice guy at heart! Heck, I'm so nice I'll even give you a Triple Choco Dipper _on the house_!"

Teddie's face immediately lit up upon hearing those magical words. "R-Really?"

Jim opened his portable cooler, pulled out a Triple Choco Dipper, and held it in front of himself. "Yes, of course!", he said proudly. He then ripped open the wrapper, threw it away, gave the bar several long licks, and threw it on the ground in front of Teddie. "Here you go, you filthy peasant! Enjoy!"

Teddie and Kay watched the spectacle unfold in shock, and as the bar landed in front of Teddie, Kay turned towards him with the most stern expression she had ever had on her face.

"If you even THINK about eating that, we're _through_ ," she told him in no uncertain terms.

"B-B-But..." "NO." "Oh, okay...", he replied wistfully while staring at the bar.

Jim looked at the two unhappily. "What's that? You don't appreciate how charitable I am!?" He then took out another Triple Choco Dipper and unwrapped it.

"THIS IS WHAT YOU DO WITH AN ICE CREAM BAR!!", he screamed at the top of his lungs and then started biting out chunks of the still-hard bar in a very exaggerated manner. Kay and Teddie could do nothing but look on in disgust as he quickly ate the entire cold hard bar, swallowing every bite with great difficulty.

After he finished his impromptu meal, he looked like he was about to hurl for a moment, but ultimately managed to compose himself.

"Deeeee-licious!", he stated loudly while his pained expression was telling an entirely different story. "Anyway, I don't have any more time for you... _poor people_ right now. I've got something very important to do, and I already fulfilled my daily quota of ridiculing the less fortunate, so off I go! Sayonara, suckers!" He then threw the ice cream stick on the ground and started walking away. 

"Man, that guy was weird," Teddie said to Kay as they looked at each other in utter disbelief.

"I HEARD THAT!", Jim yelled back before turning a corner and disappearing.

Kay couldn't help but stare at the quickly-melting Triple Choco Dipper on the ground. "Boy, do I hate rich people," she muttered under her breath while thinking about how much she wanted some ice cream right at that moment. Teddie nodded in agreement.

"Anyway, we need to formulate a plan. Preferably in the shade," Kay proclaimed before taking a big gulp from her Orange Smash.

"I know just the place! I go there all the time when I don't want to listen to Yosuke's nagging!", Teddie responded after taking a big gulp from his Orange Smash too.

They walked to a nice, quiet spot behind Junes and sat down in the shade. It wasn't very much cooler than being in the sunlight, but every little bit helped. Teddie played around with the front end of 'his' scarf, slowly but surely getting used to the idea of wearing one.

"So he's clearly the one who stole all the ice cream, right?", Teddie asked Kay.

"He basically admitted that, didn't he? What else could his talk about 'the revenge still being on' mean?", she responded.

"We need to bust him, then! For great justice! And my ice cream!", Teddie yelled towards the skies while shaking his fist angrily.

Kay stood up and lifted her soda bottle high. "You're right! We'll get our dang ice cream back, or my name isn't Kay 'Yatagarasu' Faraday!"

"Is... Is that your full name?", Teddie asked with a very confused look on his face.

"...No."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jim Stone [obvious pun on 'gemstone'] is an American businessman who made his fortune selling sand in Sahara and ice in Antarctica. He has a summer home in Inaba because he's a relentless weeaboo. He's also childish, very vindictive in the silliest of ways, and he hates anyone he deems "poor" (so basically everyone).


	5. The Yatagarasu Strikes Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Yatagarasu finds a new member! ...Kind of.

"First of all, I'm appointing you as a temporary Yatagarasu member," Kay said while pointing at Teddie, who was still sitting. She then rummaged through her satchel, dug out another Yatagarasu badge, and attached it to 'Teddie's' scarf.

"Ooh! So what role do I play? Chief executive officbear? Coffee bear? Secrebeary?"

"Uhh... I haven't come up with any formal names, so you can name your own role, I suppose."

Teddie stood up and lifted his gaze and arms up towards the sky. "In that case, I'll be... the mascot!"

Kay poked his cheek in a teasing manner. "I hope you don't think that'll prevent me from giving you actual work."

"N-No, of course not!", he replied while nervously looking away. "I'd do a-anything for you!"

Kay's lips curled into a mischievous smile. "I'll keep that in mind for later, but right now, we gotta find our dear friend, Mr. Stone. Any idea where he might live?"

"I dunno, but if he was walking, he can't live very far from here."

Kay couldn't help but feel a bit shocked about the fact that Teddie had just made a legitimate observation. "That's some nice detectiving. Keep it up, and you just might become a real Yatagarasu member one day!"

"Wow! I can already imagine us taking down all the baddies together, hand-in-hand!" He then looked at his right hand, and then at Kay. "...Mind if I hold yours for a moment? Mine's a bit sweaty, though."

She took off her left glove and slammed her palm into his. "You think mine isn't?" They intermingled their fingers together into an awkward, sweaty mess, and just stood there, holding hands, staring at each other. Inch by inch, their faces leaned closer and closer. However, just as they were about to kiss, Kanji interrupted them.

"Hey, guys! Am I interrupting anything?", he asked, unable to read the mood as usual.

"We _were_ just about to kiss, but don't let that bother you," Teddie said in a slightly grumpy tone.

"Oh, sorry. Guess I shoulda just walked past." He then tried to walk past, but Kay lifted her free hand to block him.

"Say, Kanji, would _you_ happen to know where Jim Stone lives?", she asked him. "He's apparently rich and dresses in red. You'll know who I'm talking about if you've seen him."

"Oh, you mean that American asshole? I sure as hell do! Walked past his home last week, and he said I should piss off because I was going to lower his property value. What the hell does that even mean!? I would've beat his ass if he wasn't behind a gate!"

Kanji then gave them the directions, and went on his own merry way to purchase the seven spools of wool he needed for his next masterpiece.

"Now, where were we?", Kay asked Teddie before grabbing 'his' scarf and pulling his face right next to hers.

"Before we kiss, I would really like to point out that it was overly convenient for Kanji to walk by just as-", Teddie eloquently argued before being interrupted by Kay's lips smacking into his. He shrugged his shoulders and hugged her tight.

After they had gotten the need for smooching out of their systems, they decided to head straight to Jim's place. As they were walking down a dirt path, Teddie pulled out two Ares bars from his pocket. He handed one to Kay and started munching on the other one.

"How do you even fit all these snacks into your pockets?", Kay asked in utter confusion as she stared at the bar. "Also, how come it hasn't melted?"

"One, I have big pockets. Two, I bought these at Junes alongside my soda," he answered before downing the rest of his yummy chocolate.

"Ah. Of course," she responded before starting to slowly nibble her bar.

* * *

After a short walk, they arrived at the location Kanji had described. The house wasn't quite as ostentatious as Jim's attire and general behavior suggested, but it definitely stood out amongst the other homes.

They decided to keep their distance, opting to survey the house from behind a large bush.

"So, what do we do now?", Teddie asked.

"Well, there's a gate, so we can't just waltz in," Kay answered while still nibbling on her Ares bar. "Here's what I think we should do; we make him open the gate with some kind of a distraction, and when he isn't looking, we sneak in. Basic ninja stuff."

"Great idea! Do we have anything distracting, though?" Teddie rummaged through his pockets, but only found various kinds of snacks. He put them back into his pockets, apart from one lollipop, which he unwrapped and put into his mouth. "Mmm, strawbeary."

"I have this," Kay said before pulling something out of her satchel. It was a pink grenade-shaped object that had 'WARNING: LOUD' written on it. "It's a noisemaker used for pranks. You pull out the pin, throw it, and when it hits the ground, it starts beeping really loudly."

"I see, I see. Can I throw it? I have a real good throwing arm, you know."

Kay thought about it for a moment. "Sure, I guess, but if you mess it up, I'm going to end you," she said while intensely glaring at him.

"No worries!", Teddie said before taking the grenade from her. He pulled the pin, got into a proper throwing position, gripped the grenade tightly, and caused it to slide out of his palm because of all the sweat.

Kay's entire world went into slow-motion mode as she very quickly dove at the grenade, hoping to catch it before it collided with the ground and potentially ruined their entire plan. She just barely managed to snag it out of the air, and as she hit the ground on her stomach, she breathed a long sigh of relief. Right after that, the grenade decided to go off anyway.

"Oh, for crying out loud!", Kay yelled while the incessant beeping went on and on. She quickly threw the annoyance towards Jim's house, and it landed pretty close to where she wanted it to.

After a very tense moment, during which neither Kay nor Teddie breathed at all, Jim marched out of the house, huffing and puffing in anger. He opened the gate and angrily powerwalked towards the grenade.

"Now!", Kay yelled before breaking into a very aerodynamic form of running in which she held her arms behind her to bolster her speed. Teddie followed suit, and they very quickly made it inside Jim's walled garden without him noticing. After that, they hid behind a corner, kneeling down beneath a window to conceal their presences very effectively.

After they heard several grunts and stomps from outside, the beeping ceased. Jim walked back inside, closed the gate, and went inside while angrily mumbling about 'those goddamn poor assholes who can't leave him alone'.

"So, what now?", Teddie asked while still sucking on his strawbeary lollipop.

"If the ice cream is indeed here, it's almost definitely in the basement, so we gotta get in there somehow," Kay answered while nibbling on what little was left of her chocolate.

"I know a way."

"Oh, you do?", Kay asked Teddie.

"I didn't say that," Teddie replied.

"Who did, then?", Kay asked before looking slightly above her. She noticed that the window was now open. More importantly, a familiar figure was leaning out of it. Even more importantly, he had a pistol in his hand. He jumped out the window in a manner that could only be described as "Matrix-esque" and, after landing very gracefully, pointed his gun at Teddie.

"Hands up, both of you. Did you really think I wouldn't catch you? I know what you're after, you bastards," he said angrily while not exercising proper trigger discipline.

"Could you _please_ exercise proper trigger discipline?", Kay asked him.

"Oh, fine, you whiner," he replied before taking his finger off the trigger. "Anyway, if you think you're going to bust me, you've got another thing coming. Into the basement we go."


	6. Basement Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim reveals his master plan. Is Japan doomed? Is the world doomed? Is the entire UNIVERSE doomed?
> 
> No, but Teddie might be.

After Jim led the duo into his basement, he motioned for them to sit on two chairs he had seemingly prepared in advance. After they sat down, they couldn't help but notice the stacks upon stacks of portable coolers, each of them presumably filled with filched ice cream.

"See those? They're my ticket to riches," Jim said smugly while waving his gun around.

"What do you mean? Aren't you already rich?", Teddie asked while tilting his head.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, you... you... _richophobes_!", Jim yelled in response while shaking his fist at Teddie. Kay couldn't help but sneer at his extremely creative word usage.

"Just because we're the Yatagarasu doesn't mean we know _everything_ ," she said in a mildly nervous tone.

"Yeah, right. You wouldn't be here just for some _ice cream_ , would you?", Jim asked her rhetorically. Kay and Teddie looked at each other for a moment, and then at Jim.

"Well, actually...", they said in unison. Jim's expression quickly changed from 'smug anger' to 'utter confusion'.

"Wait, you... you _really_ came here just to find the ice cream!? How desperate can you be!?"

"Beary," Teddie responded blankly. Kay nodded in agreement. Jim took off his top hat and scratched his head with the gun, blatantly ignoring several firearm handling tips in the process.

"It would've been easy to justify shooting you if you were after my riches, but now... it's a little bit harder," he said before once again pointing his gun at the duo.

"That's... very reassuring," Kay said sarcastically while her brow got increasingly sweaty (and this time, it wasn't because of the heat).

"I suppose I could tell you why I really stole all this ice cream. Then you'd know, and I could justifiably off you. That's how it works, right?", Jim asked before putting his hat back on. He then started slowly pacing back and forth in front of Kay and Teddie, who could do nothing but blankly stare at him and wonder where the hell he pulled _that_ 'reasoning' out of.

"You see, while I do very much enjoy the thought of you having to live without any ice cream, and I also love to have a ton of it myself, those aren't the reasons for the heist. No, the real reason is... the Eye of Fil Thee'rezh!", he explained.

"What's that?", Teddie asked.

"It's an incredibly valuable gem that was stolen from a British museum a few months back. I managed to trade a few favors for it and I'm going to sell it in the black market for a large fortune soon," Jim responded while looking very proud of himself.

Kay could see where this was all leading to, and she couldn't bear not knowing for another second. "Can I ask you something?", she asked him.

"...I guess?", he responded.

"Are you trying to say that the Eye is inside one of these ice creams?", she asked with a very dismayed look on her face. Jim's eyes instantly widened in shock.

"Precisely! How'd you know!? Didn't you just say you didn't know anything!? I knew you knew, goddamn it!"

Kay looked at Teddie and deflated completely. Teddie lifted his arm and started waving it.

"Ooh, ooh! It was me! It was me! I didn't know, though! I just guessed!", he boasted proudly. Jim gave him a disgusted look and sighed.

"Is this really how it is? I always thought I'd be trailed down by some cool secret agents who I could have a really sick fight with, but here I am, surrounded by coolers in my basement, pointing a gun at two weird children. I deserve better, god damn it!"

He then dug out his phone from his pocket, dropping something on the floor in the process. Kay got a brief look at the yellow tube and quickly realized what it was before he picked it up and put it back in his pocket. After that, he dialed someone. Realizing that this was probably the only distraction they were ever going to get, Kay decided to put her very-quicky-patched-together plan into action.

"I think I know how we'll get out of this alive," she whispered to Teddie. "I'll need a Snackers bar, though. Got any?"

"Yep," he whispered back before carefully pulling one out of his left sleeve behind his back. He then threw it to Kay while Jim was briefly staring at the ceiling. At the same time, Kay quickly pulled her mostly-eaten Ares bar out of her satchel and hid it behind her back.

After she had the requisite objects for her plan, she started working. First, she discarded the remains of the Ares bar from the wrapper. Next, she ripped out a chunk of the Snackers bar and stuffed it into the Ares bar wrapper. Finally, as Jim was once again distractedly staring at nothing in particular, she took a bite out of the Snackers bar and then shoved it into her satchel.

After Jim finished his call and put his phone back into his pocket, Kay quickly moved her 'Ares bar'-holding hand from behind her back to her mouth and started loudly chewing on the piece of Snackers she had bitten earlier.

Upon hearing her (surprisingly loud) chewing, Jim looked at her in utter disbelief. "Are... Are you eating a goddamn _chocolate bar_!?", he yelled.

"Yeah. Id's... dewicious," she replied with her mouth still half-full of chocolate.

He pointed his gun and open palm at her. "Hand it over RIGHT NOW, or I won't be responsible for what happens next!"

"Fine. Jeez. You don't have to be so pushy about it," she said before tossing the 'Ares bar' to him. "Just make sure you actually enjoy it, you _bum_."

He looked at her like one would look at a particularly smelly garbage bag. "You know what!? Just for that, I'm going to swallow it without even biting into it! I might not get the satisfaction of tasting it, but at least I get the satisfaction of seeing you lose your pwecious chocowate for nothing, you poor piece of shit!"

After saying that, he squeezed the wrapper, causing the remnant of the bar to slip into his mouth. He then swallowed it whole before throwing the wrapper on the floor.

"How'd you like THAT, huh!?", he yelled at Kay. Kay looked at him with a very nervous smile on her face.

"I'm just glad my plan worked. I sure hope you actually _do_ have a peanut allergy."

He looked very confused for a moment and lifted the wrapper from the ground to look at it. "W-What do you mean? This is an Ares bar."

"I swapped it for a Snackers, you dingus."

At that point, Jim began to feel his throat tightening. He dropped his gun and fell on his knees, clawing at his throat. Kay quickly swiped the gun from the floor, popped the magazine out, and put it into her satchel. She then dug into Jim's pocket and took out the epipen she had seen earlier.

"Here you go. I might think you're an utter scumbag, but I don't want to be a murderer," she said before handing him the epipen. He quickly jabbed it into his leg.

Kay then took out her phone and quickly called the police and an ambulance. After that, she looked at Jim, who was laying on the floor, in disgust. "If you ever even _consider_ trying to hurt me or anyone I love again, I'll make sure to feed you _every single Snackers bar in Inaba_."

"That was cool, Kay-chan!", Teddie said in awe. "When will you feed _me_ , though?"

Kay looked at him blankly, took out the rest of the Snackers bar from her satchel, and fed it to him with barely any change in her expression (he was very content about it, though).

Soon after that, the police and ambulance arrived, taking Jim to the hospital and Kay & Teddie in for a brief questioning.

While the two were being questioned, the police examined the ice cream and quickly found the Eye of Fil Thee'rezh thanks to one of Mr. Stone's associates spilling the beans. The ice cream was then swiftly returned to Junes, but they couldn't sell it due to potential malicious third-party tampering, so they decided to donate it all to Teddie, who assured them that he'd _bear_ responsibility for any stomach-ache involved.

Once their questioning was done, they walked out the police station, Teddie bouncing happily and Kay looking at the ground quietly. After they had walked for a while, Kay poked Teddie on the shoulder.

"I'd like my scarf back now, thanks," she told him in a slightly cold tone. Teddie's simplistic mind quickly went into overdrive to figure out why she sounded like that, and it didn't take long for him to realize why.

After Kay swapped the badges between her vest and the scarf, unfurled it from Teddie's neck, and put it on, she couldn't help but notice that Teddie was slowly but surely backing away from her.

"W-Well, I think I'll be going now...", he mumbled while skulking backwards very unsubtly.

"Just a moment, honey. I have a question for you," Kay said in an eerily calm tone before cracking her knuckles, causing Teddie to freeze on the spot. She then took a couple steps forward and put her hand on Teddie's shoulder, gripping it tightly. She had a bright smile on her face, but even Teddie could tell it was the kind of smile you use to mask the intense anger burning beneath. "While we were being questioned, I couldn't help but notice that you didn't mention your stolen ice cream even once, and Mr. Stone didn't talk about it either despite the fact that he utterly loathes you. Why is that?"

Even though their height difference was a mere three centimeters in favor of Kay, Teddie felt like an ant facing a particularly furious skyscraper as she menacingly loomed over him.

"I-I-I-I-I-I can e-e-explain," he stammered as Kay's expression slowly became more and more deranged and her breathing became louder and louder. "I j-j-just wanted to have a... a romantic ice cream s-shopping trip wi- with you, Kay-ch-ch-chan... I d-d-didn't know it would c-come to... to _this_!"

For a moment, Kay stared daggers at Teddie, and he continued shrinking back. She was obviously quite upset at him, but his reason for doing what he did wasn't exactly _mean_. After briefly mulling it over in her head, she calmed down, let go of his shoulder, crossed her arms, and turned her back on him.

"I'm not terribly upset with you, but you _did_ lie to me, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to punish you anyway," she said before turning to face him again. "Can't have you thinking it's okay to lie, now can I?", she continued with a smirk on her face and a devilish twinkle in her eye.

"S-So what are you going to do?", a trembling Teddie asked her.

"You'll see. Oh, how you will see," she responded before bursting into very ominous laughter. Teddie stared at her blankly for a moment.

"Oh well. Future Teddie's problems are his, not mine," he said while shrugging. "Anyway, let's go to my place! We'll be getting that sweet, sweet ice cream in no time!"

"Indeed, Teddie. _Indeed_ ," Kay told him ominously.

"Could you stop sounding so ominous?", Teddie asked her.

"No."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know how peanut allergies work, so if I portrayed it incorrectly, feel free to cancel me.


	7. Epilogue: Revenge, Like Ice Cream, Is a Dish Best Served Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Teddie literally f***ing dies.

When Yosuke and his father arrived from work in the evening alongside a coolerful of ice cream, Teddie was beyond ecstatic.

"Finally! _Finally_!", he exclaimed as he fell on his knees and hugged the cooler tightly. While that was happening, Kay beckoned Yosuke to the side and whispered something in his ear. He nodded, and they both walked up to Teddie.

"Did you forget you're still due for a punishment?", Kay asked him while cracking her knuckles once again. He was then pulled away from the cooler by Yosuke, who dragged him to their room despite his faint protesting. Kay grabbed the cooler and headed there too.

"W-What are you doing?", Teddie asked the two while Yosuke sat him down on a bench and duct-taped his arms together behind his back.

"Take a wild guess," Yosuke said before finishing his handiwork. "All I'm going to say is that it ain't gonna be pretty."

"Eep! I-If you're going to hurt me, don't go for the face! My good looks are all I have!", Teddie pled desperately. Kay walked in front of him and leaned forward until her face was a couple inches away from his.

"Oh, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to make you wish I'd hurt you _instead_ ," she said flatly, causing him to shrink back in fear.

"Have fun," Yosuke told Kay with a smile on his face before walking out of the room and closing the door after him.

* * *

"I can't take this anymore, Kay-chan! Please, I'm begging you, stop!", Teddie pled while struggling in his chair. "I-If you don't, I might die! For real! I'm not kidding! I'll drop dead any second now! I-I can already feel the angels calling for me! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!"

Kay, sitting in a chair opposite Teddie, reached into the portable cooler next to her, grabbed her third Triple Choco Dipper for the day, and unwrapped it. She bit out a chunk and let it slowly melt in her mouth, savoring its flavor.

"Mmm! No matter how many of these I eat, they're still _sooo_ good," she said in the most sensual tone she could muster. Teddie looked like he was about to burst.

"Can't you just stab me a few times and get this over with!?", he yelled while struggling harder and harder.

"What's the matter, honey? Can't _bear_ it?", she said smugly before taking another bite. Teddie stopped struggling and started pouting.

"It's not funny when _others_ do it."

"Whatever you say," she responded before taking another Triple Choco Dipper from the cooler with her free hand. She then unwrapped it single-handedly — a skill which impressed Teddie greatly — and extended her hand towards Teddie's mouth. "I suppose you've suffered enough."

Teddie immediately grabbed the ice cream bar with his teeth, chewed and swallowed it in 10 seconds flat without using his hands — a skill which impressed Kay greatly — and sighed in relief.

"More, please," he said before opening his mouth invitingly. Kay tutted and waved her finger at him.

"One every fifteen minutes and none more," she said before smugly taking a bite of her bar. Teddie started shaking in anger.

"Okay, _that's it_ ," Teddie exclaimed furiously before trying his hardest to break the duct tape holding his arms together.

"I wouldn't bother. I've been training myself to break all kinds of restraints, and you just can't get duct tape off without some kind of a tool," Kay told him while continuing her ice cream consumption.

" _Oh yeah!?_ ", Teddie yelled before pulling his arms apart so hard that the duct tape practically exploded off of them. Kay was a bit shocked by this.

"I suppose I should've expected you to be a bit more powerful than the average human. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted," she said with a shrug.

Teddie then walked right in front of her, leaned forward with an angry look on his face, swiped the half-eaten ice cream bar right off her hand, and quickly ate it while maintaining eye contact.

"Gonna make me wish you'd hurt me?", she asked him facetiously while staring back.

"Ehhh, maybe later. Right now, I just want to binge," he replied before grabbing several Triple Choco Dippers and starting his ravenous feeding session. Kay was still quite impressed by how quickly he could eat them.

* * *

"It's pretty late. I should probably head home," Kay said after finishing her fifth bar, which had made her feel a bit queasy.

"That's a good idea, but I'll still miss you," Teddie replied whilst eating his twenty-fifth bar. Kay leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"You'll manage," she said before standing up. "See ya later," she continued while waving at him. She then walked out of the room. After a moment, Yosuke walked in.

"You sure are a lucky dude, Teddie," Yosuke told him while he was eating his twenty-sixth bar. "How'd you get her to like you, anyway? Got any tips?"

"I told her I'm a monster. She likes those."

"Dang it."

**Author's Note:**

> Here are a few Important Notes:  
> 1) All Ace Attorney characters depicted are actually their Gyakuten Saiban/Kenji counterparts, and I use their English names simply because I'm used to them (so, for example, "Kay Faraday" is actually "Mikumo Ichijou", a decidedly Japanese person who lives in Japan).  
> 2) I care very much about "timelines" and "coherency", and I'm definitely not just throwing stuff I like into a blender, so I have opted to create a new Ace Attorney AU, informatively titled "The Ace Attorney AU Where Everything Is The Same Except The Whole Timeline Is Shifted Back 7 Years (And Persona Is In The Same Universe Too, I Guess)". This means that both AAI(2) and the end of Persona 4 happen at the beginning of 2012. Nifty, ain't it?  
> 3) We all know the term rarepair, but what's it called when a pair has exactly one fan? Mythic rare pair? SSR pair? Holo rare pair? Legendary pair? Secret rare pair? "Very dumb"?


End file.
